Jaded
by MusicalCatharsis
Summary: [Second Piece of Broken] In all the time that I had known him…he never once smiled. And I loved him for that. He showed the emotion that I could not show.


"I'm not sure if Draco has said anything on his behalf yet. But in case he hasn't…I'm going to. In all the time that I had known him…he never once smiled. And I loved him for that. He showed the emotion that I could not show. He was a troubled soul, lost between two realms, lost between many things. But never lost to me, yeah that's right I said it. I saw him one day, sleeping in my back yard. I thought it ironic the minute I recognized that pale blonde hair. Here he was, Mr. Holier-than-thou himself, lying on the ground in my backyard. I almost kicked him; instead I lay down beside him and slept. In my mind, that summer, Draco was Hogwarts, and Hogwarts was my safe zone.

"Throughout that summer, I witnessed him change. He accepted me and I accepted him. It became apparent to me over the summer that he was not the one that was beaten. He was not the one that had been broken down, pummeled to pieces, he was just an arsehole. I laugh about it now because I could have been just like him. I could have been sorted into Slytherin as well, but I'm Gryffindor and that is just one of the prejudices that we threw out the damned door. Bloody Hell, is right…I still remember all of those day, when I would crawl out of my house and into the backyard. He was always there, even though he could leave at any moment, he always stayed. And that confused me because he was supposed to hate me. It was like some unwritten rule, Must Hate All Mudblood. They all walked around like that, like zombies, like clones. But they were the happy ones; they all had a sense of direction. We…had been left to hang ourselves.

"You remember fifth year right, where we were told to decide what we wanted to do. RIGHT THEN AND THERE! I wanted to look at Professor McGonagall like she was insane. I think I skipped that meeting because it was just too much pressure. Like I said before, they all knew that they were going to end up Death Eaters, what the hell did they need to decide on? We had it rough. I know something now; Voldemort likes a pure, untainted child, that's why he seeks them out in the Seventh Year. That's why Harry would never be allowed to join his ranks. I remember the day like it was yesterday, it was his birthday, somewhere in July, when I finally gave myself to him. He never asked, and I never asked. I just did. He wanted to stop, but I told him that I wanted it and he gave it to me.

"Somehow he was always there for me, even though staying in the same spot was dangerous for him at that time in his life. He never left my side. It was always me who was running to the voice that would end up beating or raping me. And sadly he let me go, because he knew that I would go either way, I was too damned headstrong. We could have ran from that place earlier if that bastard did not have such a hold on me. I knew not what kept Draco by my side, to heal my cuts, to kiss my tainted cheeks, until now. He told me that he loved me, and that was the only way to be near me. He used to fill my head with fantasies. We'll go to Italy, and away from all this, or Paris, or Russia, or Africa, or Hawaii, or New York City. We'll leave London behind because there is nothing here for us. And on those nights I believed him because what else did I have to believe in?

"He was my Superman, Muggle superhero, and I loved him for that. I know that things were wrong but they started to get better. The last time we made love was the beginning of August, we thought we were safe, but we weren't. And then I got the news, we both had a shot at redemption. We were wrong. I tried to hide it at first; I bought robes that were too big. Nobody noticed until before Christmas, when I received a letter from home, telling me that I had to return. Of course, he wrote it, and I knew that my mother would not be there, but he had this sort of hold on me, and I returned. He beat and raped me each night, the pain. Damn the pain was unbearable. I would close my eyes and dream of better days. Sometimes it even got so bad that I would imagine it was Draco lying on top of me. I would submerge myself in that fabrication and that proved to be fatal for our baby.

"One night, while he was raping me, he told me to call out his name. And there I was, lying so still, that I did, I called out Draco, because it was one of my fantasy nights and he punched me. Every where. I bled that night and I knew in my mind that I had lost the baby. It was not spotting, it was full out streams and I cried in the shower because I felt my last chance at redemption slipping away from me and flowing with his juices, hatred, rage, down the drain. My life would be over if I did not have Draco to return to Hogwarts for. It still amazes me that McGonagall allowed him back into the school, but then again, only three of us know what he had to try to do. Only three of us know that he didn't do it and that settled fine with me. In my eyes, he was worthy.

"When I returned to Hogwarts the next day, I could see my stomach flattening out. I knew that it would crush him and it did. He waited for me in Moaning Myrtles bathroom and when he did not see the bulge he sunk down on his knees and cried into my stomach. I cried with him but silently. I could not show any pain so I smiled at him and I hated myself for it. How could I smile at the man I love when he is crying over the loss of our perfect child? But I smiled at him and I saw the hatred in his eyes, but something in mine made him see that I was grieving just as much as he was.

"After that summer he was never cold, forlorn, or mean to me again. I think that he finally viewed me as his equal and not someone that was inferior. I loved him for it. Till this day I still cannot cry in his presence. Though he has fathered my children. But…yeah…back to the story at hand. We must have stayed in that bathroom for hours, until he finally staunched the flow of tears, and then after a few moments he cried some more. I think, in his mind, that our baby was some sort of rebirth for him. I think that he wanted to have this baby so that everybody could see that he had changed. And, the truth of the matter is, he did change. Sure when he got mad at me he still called me a Mudblood, but my god, it's just a name, and to be honest…I AM ONE! Not that I like to be called one all the time, and he always apologized for it in the end.

"It was one night in June when I went to him and told him that I wanted to run away from my life. It was out last year at Hogwarts and then I would be forced to live at home for a while, with that monster. I could not bear that; I could not return to that horrid place. So we ran, left all of our crap on the train, and ran. Let me tell you that we never stayed in one place for too long. No that would be too risqué. Never did we stay in one place for more than two weeks. After that we were on to the next place. We lived in four different countries, and each one we lived in multiple cities. Milan, Italy was the best one. He bought me whatever I wanted; whenever I wanted. And it was great…. Then my sister found me. She told me what he had been doing to her and all the bad memories came back to me.

"I had to return to that horrid place and no matter what Draco said could not make me stay. So I went back to that damned Muggle house and allowed that bastard to beat me up again. I knew that what he was doing was wrong but I was under his control and the love of my life could not help me. I was too stubborn to allow that little boy hurt my family. I returned…and I do not regret it.

"Everybody, me included, thought that Draco had it bad. I thought that he had the rough life because he had a father that cared. But I was wrong…I was so wrong. His life was good. He was given anything that he could ever desire…and when he got it…he didn't want it. So why then does he still want me? He never wanted me to begin with. Simple as that. I wasn't forced upon him…he accepted me gradually. They, the children of Death Eaters, our opposites, but our equals, had their lives planned out for them, and we hated them for it. It wasn't because they were following the wrong man, with the wrong beliefs. No, it was because we had to make our own decisions and they had nothing to think about. Their future was set in stone while ours was uncertain.

"On the other side, they hated us for the same reason. They resented their parents and their planning out their lives. They wanted what we had. Those children wanted to grow up and make their own decisions. My Draco wants to become a healer…and I am going to help him every step of the way. You, the both of you, call yourselves men, but you are clinging to old school rivalries and it makes me sick. You are not men; you are boys, silly immature boys. Draco, the prejudice person that he once was, has gone, and in his place came a man with a heart that was big enough to love something that he once hated.

"I'm not asking the both of you to love him or anything. But, accept him, or I'll be damned if I am going to leave him for you. Neither of you were there for me when he was beating me. I do not say that to make you feel guilty but Draco was there, and he helped me. He loves me." I cast my eyes downward to ward off the tears. They were threatening to spill down my still pale cheeks. Harry and Ron looked at me like I had three heads the entire time I was explaining my story to them.

Harry acted first; he placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly. Then he removed himself; I think to go speak to Draco. Ron, on the other hand, shook his head and turned to leave. My heart broke.

"Ron, please! Do this for me." He shook his head once again and turned back to me with tears in his eyes. He approached the hospital bed and grasped my hand in his. I did not expect the next words to leave his mouth.

"I love you Hermione Jane Granger. I always have and now it is too late for me because you have moved on. I know nothing of your life now. You are not the same to me; you are with a man that will, in the end, choose the Dark Arts over you. When I first came into this room, I had to ask your name because you did not look like the girl I knew. The girl from school would not have gone back to that house. She would have stayed where she was safe. Now I know that this may be hard for you to hear, but, Hermione Granger, you are not the same girl that I once knew. You are a woman know, and you are more than capable of making your own decisions." He wiped a tear from my cheek and continued. "And now that you have Malfoy to protect you, I will have to move on. You made your choice, and that it Malfoy, and I respect you for forgiving him. You said that he considered you an equal. But what else does he consider equal? Do you even truly know him? I know you Mione. I know what you do when you are upset. You smile…I know that that is weird but you smile about everything." They never heard the door open.

"You meant the world to me Hermione, you were my everything. I searched for you after you ran away. I looked high and low, bloody hell, I went to AMERICA, to try and find you, but I never did. And while I was trying to find you…you found yourself. And because I missed out on you finding yourself…I don't know you anymore." I was crying full out now, my face was in my hands, as he patted my shoulder lightly. He could not bear to touch me. I was Malfoy's now and there was nothing that he could do about it. Another hand clasped his on my shoulder.

"I think that you should leave now Weasley." Draco muttered while stroking my hair. It was the first and only time she would cry in front of him. He kissed my cheek and then my lips. "Show me that this is a façade, smile for me Hermione." I smiled and he knew that my heart was breaking. He smiled and sat there while I smiled all my troubles away. We found solace in that hospital room, and at the same time we found destruction. Walter, stepfather, was being arrested at that moment, and in the next few days I would have to face him.

Draco would be there every step of the way, but I still felt so alone. Until the trial had ended, I felt so alone, and that's where my side of the story lies. I knew not what would become of me in the future…I lived each day like it was my last, because when I went home to visit in my younger years…it could have been.


End file.
